One of my sisters had gifted me a book on my wedding. A book that talks about ways to a successful married life; a book reveals remedies for never ending melees; a book that promises of bringing light on the unending bliss the marriage showers on one’s life.
Even though I don’t agree with that book, I never doubt her intentions, ideas or efforts. She might have thought a book would be helpful for a rookie to keep balance in married life. But I think, absolutely not. Marriage is an institution, a journey, a test for which there is no readymade material to tackle. The situation one faces after marriage seems to be very similar, seems to be seen, seems to have read somewhere before and yet one would have no answer, no reasonable solution. The most terrible part of the circumstance would be your incapacity to interpret the heard or seen experiences into a meaningful and helpful support to rely on.
An example, my wife wants prepare a home-made cake, all the way from scratch, for my birthday but I wouldn’t want to support her as I don’t want to her go through all the hassle of baking and decorating the cake and also, I want to scream, just to remind her, ‘honey, by the way, I am not getting any younger’. Of course, she wouldn’t listen and surprisingly, she convinces me to go for her idea. Here comes the tough part of the whole scenario, if cake comes out with flying colors, well baked and eye catching decoration, she will be happy. I will be too, for her, but deep down I get saddened that my image in mirror, bigger but not better, laughs at me. I can’t even blow out the candles happily as the demons of fat would be getting their troops ready to invade and occupy my body, just like the waters behind the gate of a dam. That’s just one out come you could expect. Second case, which I call the worst case, would be the one where the outcome is bad and inedible. You would think I will be happy, but no sir, you got it wrong. This is like worst thing to happen. I would have to spend more time in reassuring her cooking abilities and blaming the cake material for her let down. You always want to see your spouse winning even if it means hurting your ideas. These ideas, these lessons are learnt only by experience. There is no book, no institution, no movies, no skit that is out there to teach you all this.
Marriage is an institution where you are a student and teacher at the same time, where you learn and tested at the same time. Marriage is a game where both the players win. Marriage is like a rebellious movement that youth gets attracted to, it seems life changing, breath taking and all. It’s very easy to join the movement, but the hard part would be to maintain and (not necessarily) cherish each and every moment. Your spouse should be your addiction. The marriage gets its meaning only when one gets addicted to one’s spouse. Of all the addictions, this one is healthier and more satisfying.
My experience says, marriage is an essential institution and spouse is a beautiful and necessary evil.
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