ప్రతిరూపం!!

నాలుగు రోడ్ల కూడలిలో

నెలవంక వెన్నెల లోగిలిలో

నిస్సహాయ నవ్వుతో నడుస్తున్న నాకు

నిశ్చల నిరుపయోగ నీటి గుంటలో

నిస్తేజ నిషార్తిలా ఎదురుపడ్డావు నువ్వు

నీ ముఖంలో విరిసిన భయంకర నిర్మలత్వం

అలలేని కడలివలె

కలలేని కనులవలె తోచింది

నీ కన్నుల్లో ఆరిన నిశాంత దీపం

నీ చూపుల్లో జారిన ఆశాంత జలపాతం

నన్ను నాకు ఙ్ఞప్తికి తెచ్చింది

ఆ నిర్మానుష్యంలో

ఆ నిర్విరామ నీరవంలో

ఆ రాకాసి రాత్రి ఒడిలో

నా గత ఙ్ఞాపకాల శిథిలాలు ఏరుకొందామనుకొంటే,

నిర్దయ నిశ్చల నిజం

నిర్జీవ నిరాశ రాయిని విసిరి,

నీ రూపాని చెరిపింది!!

నా శాపాన్ని చూపింది!!

Untiring Retirement!!

Finally I had to come out of slumber, finally I had to break the shackles of indolence, finally I had to carve my thoughts on the timestone as the circumstance is going to be one of the most unforgettable events in my life. Finally the day is here, yes, today my father will be bidding adieu to his job. Today is the last day for him as a responsible government servant.

Retirement day, probably, could be one of most unanticipted days of life, after death day. It is amazing to know that today is that day in my father’s life. Even though it has been more than three decades since he started working, it still feels like yesterday only, as far as I know, my memories, that have been filled with our change in home address, loosing old friends and building new relations every three years, are still fresh. Every time, whereever we went the reception has always been strange and obscure, but farewell has always been very palpable and emotional and often non-grandeur. That’s the kind of impression he could able to leave on his work-force. He made sure he met with the standards he had set at work. He always believed in complete commitment to service and his work ethic has always been exmplary and, I reckon, it had inspired quiet a few people, if not many, to be diligent towards the work and service. This might sound a bit exaggerating, but till my late teens, I didn’t know that his office working hours were 9AM to 6PM. I have never seen my father getting off work before 9PM. My lines might sound cliched, but, perhaps, a truth itself is a cliché.

In all these yeares of service, I am sure, there might be few occasions where he might have felt exploited or shorthanded. But, every time he felt manipulated and controled, he made sure he wouldn’t lose his faith in assiduousness and everytime he was manuevered, he grew more patient and, in fact, he has become more endurant and more persistent. Perhaps, one learns all thees traits as one grows older. But his ability to remain humane amidst most delirious events has been a standout attribute. I have been working hard to get there, but it is something that has to be developed not to be learned.

Retirement, in my view is excruciating, especially if it is not by your choice. Most of the retirements in our society are the results of government’s mandatory rule ( I am not talking about retirement age regulations and its effects. I personally have no opinion on it). The process of the retirement is painful and I don’t agree in celebrating this painstaking good bye. An appreciation within organisation sounds much better and much appropriate than a felicitation with splendid, glittery farewell carved with adulatory speeches. After all retirement day is nothing but expiry date printed on your work life by organisation.

Even after this bittersweet expression, I am sure, my father will pick himself up and find solace and smile in the proceedings that he hasn’t been able to give his cent percent so far. And we, as a family, will always be there to comfort and create many more cherishable moments, many more ecstatic journeys to learn his irrefutable belief in humanity and unassailable tolerence in approaching,building acceptable ‘working’ environment.

On this day, I would like to add one of his favorite poems, penned by Great Ravindranath Tagore, to this write up.

GITANJALI
Mind Without Fear

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up
into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason
has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action---
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

Successful Life!!

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, 'life changes'!! - Hugh Prather

That’s absolutely true. Life is an ever changing phenomenon. Even though I have known this for a long time, I still get surprised to witness some of surprises that spring in every now and then. Just when life seems to be alright, you hit a rock, which leaves you all shaky and shady.

From past few weeks, I have become an uncontrollable and irate character. I started to lose my cool and get perturbed over little discomforts. These agitations caused quiet a stir and left many of my relations wounded. My mood swings left me aghast and drew me to contemplate at some of unacceptable comments made by me. After every conversation, a little introspection made me realize that I was losing the faith and temper over nothing. A little self confession as well as to my beloved ones helped me absolve my short comings.

When I looked back and tried to narrow it down to ground reality behind my disappointment, I zeroed on the fact I had become increasingly hysterical about the forthcoming changes as well as skeptical about the things around me. I was never like this before in my entire life. I was one optimistic guy you ever would have bumped into. But some of the surprises of the life were so mind boggling that I, myself, couldn’t able to comprehend them.

I think all of us might have this notion, while growing up, that, for some reason, we see ourselves, as special from anyone else. We feel we have a charisma of our own. We believe that we wouldn’t end up as that ‘someone’ who got bemused at the events of life and stood despondently and couldn't able to fathom the course of the life. But, my friend, reality hits us all, sooner or later. Life opens up the mirror of reality and forces you to peep into it to learn the reflection of your ordinary self. I know it is much more than to grasp, but it is the crude reality of life. We all have to come to terms with the reality and start to understand that life is one unsolvable enigma that kills you dearly.

I think ‘successful life’ is an oxymoron. There is no definition for a successful life and at the same time it is very subjective. If I had to define, I would say, a successful life is one in which one would recognize oneself thoroughly and comprehensively. Lot of time, we fail to understand what we really are and what we really meant for someone. First know thyself and then start pursuing the true meanings of your role in this closely knit, intricate society.

We all heard ‘to err is human!’ but that changing times have forced me to write it as, ‘an error makes one realize oneself human!’ At least that is what happened with me. I felt I knew myself very well, but I slowly realized that changes had crept in; I lost the ground while I was looking at the sky.

For now, I realize the importance of death. Death comes to one as respite from all these obscure and obfuscate tantrums of life. I know some guys out there would term this as a stand of pessimist. In my view, should you approach the death, then your view may be upheld, otherwise death is a gifted curse.

But, my friend, no matter what, ‘life goes on’!!

Stagnant Stomp

Last week turned out to be a mixture of emotions. Emotions those were full of exhilarating trips and exhausting rips. Better or worse, it will go as one of memorable weeks of my life.

Finally the people who held back my status in their claw of rugged persistence had chimed in. Interference or involvement of an attorney has really helped expedite the process adding silver lining of legitimacy to the whole situation. Now that it’s over, when I think about it I feel attorney’s participation was inevitable as he would know the pulse of the ‘public’ servants. Ya, right, so much for their public service.

The moment I got my problem resolved, I felt happy for one second and then felt as if I was robbed off five months time. In the first place, it should have never been hindered as an excuse to keep me in waiting and on the top they took five months time to resolve simply for nothing. The worst thing is I was never told the reasons behind the procrastination in completing the request. I guess every now and then we would be reminded that we are living off at the mercy of super power. The more I thought about it, the less blissful I was, in fact the more nonchalant I grew. But all my unflappability turned into delight after I speak to that one person. The issue got some value just because of inclusion of her perspective towards the resolution. It really got blossomed when my parents expressed their pleasure as the limbo had finally got the grip off of me opening the doors to heaven. That’s why all the situations that you confront or undergo may not bring the smiles for you directly, but the joy in your beloved ones would definitely light up the darkness of despondency.

Meanwhile, I was in the swing of joy and this horrible news brought me to my knees. Untimely passing of king of pop, Michael Jackson was most unfortunate thing to happen last week. He was the only singer I had known for years while growing up. He was the only singer who would compel a handicap to tap his foot to his music. He was long standing idol for millions and millions of fans all over the world. He had imposed a whole new look to the dance and who would forget that moonwalk that left all of us speechless in awe.

As with any celebrity, there are some weird stories about him. I don’t really think about them and to be frank, I don’t give a damn about them. Even simple things would get an astonishing finish if practiced by a celebrity. One person’s desire may look like a weird one for someone else and I am sure we all have, at least, one weird desire that we all want to fulfill. That is just the way life has been. I would revere him for what he had been famous for rather than griping for something that had been alleged on him. So long MJ, you’re gone but your music lives on.

Well, life is a mixture of emotions. Some days are rosy and some are not. But the certainty is that a surprise is always in store for you. My surprise was my joyous face through her perspective at the situation that had left me indifferent, never thought so.

Happily Unhappy!!

All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way -Leo Tolstoy

In last two months I have taken couple of eventful trips across America. These trips turned out to be informative, illustrative, lucrative (in terms of nature and her appeal), and privative (as I had been issued a speeding ticket) but mainly these were an enlightening and envisioning experiences for me to help me grow cautious and curious, at the same time, for something stupendous that I will be confronting with soon in my life.

I reckon the timing was great to take a trip across US as spring had arrived just then. Rich green leaves and feel of fresh life in budding flowers was there to attest the arrival of spring. As always, I was animated to meet up my friends whom I had not seen in years. Most of them had already moved on to their next phase, a phase ahead of mine. But as I started to learn their experiences and incidents occurred, I grew fanciful, I grew skeptical, and I grew sensitive.

The moment I saw the couple I felt I was seeing a full circle, a circle of fulfillment, a circle of accomplishments and a circle of trust. They both seemed to form a team, just like Bonnie and Clyde, who were tenaciously trustful to relation that bound them to one another. I could see the ray of happiness in the eyes of them. At first that ray was so bright that I couldn’t pick the dark spots that were hiding in the background. Once I could spot them, those spots were overwhelming and very disturbing that I couldn’t distract myself to acknowledge the shiny rich brightness that was all over a just moment ago. That dark spot literally left me blind and all I could see was happy faces that had masqueraded the misery and apathy filled life. So cynical, I was!!

A moment of negativity will definitely leaves one dubious. But often a waft of contemplation will decisively brings one back to the sanity. And me no exception to that, gave a pinch of thought and slowly understood that most of the problems were beyond their control. Even though some were man made, most were market made and unfortunately market made are always unmanageable but I couldn’t say uncountable. Almost all everybody had the problems with either money or status, or even both. No matter where I went, I kept hearing the same words uttered, I got astonished to understand the level of compromises they had to undergo just to be on the safer side, the altitudes of emotional trauma that they had to suffer by staying away from home in the land of American dream/nightmare (We all know that we pay huge price to live the ‘Desi’ American dream. Does it worth it? That’s another debate). But there was one common soothing act at all the instances; they have one another to be glad and glum, to share the joy and jeopardy. One always finds a shoulder to lean on when one is in vain. In fact these uncertainties in career and unending travails to stay legal are helping them come closer to each other. These pains are proving to be assisting the couple in gluing to one another more effectively and more firmly.

But if you had to ask, is this how you want to get close to your partner, I would say, it doesn’t matter how you find love in your partner (as long as it is not unethical or immoral), the important factor is to find love and affection, most vital aspect is to have that love growing continually even after the difficult situation ceases to exist.

On the whole, one seems to feel secluded as days go by. But right at that moment, life partner comes handy. Life partner is as much needed for one as life itself. Especially when you are living away from home, a partner is must (it doesnt mean, you dont need one if you are staying home. The statement only fortifies the improtance of Partner). He/she may not help solve the problems but he/she will definitely step in to reconcile the life.

So my friends (single), go find one!!

Certain Uncertainty

These days life seems to be dwelling in uninterrupted uncertainty. The answerless questions keep popping up each and every instant my life, when I drive, when I work, when I eat and even when I sleep. Unfortunately my forgetfulness is of no help.

Life seemed to be taking a new turn couple of months back and at the same time I had this fear that something would go wrong and it did go wrong, just like Murphy said. Since then, I have been kept at bay, waiting for an approval, leaving me in doldrums. When my ship of dreams got capsized in the wave of hope for change, just like someone turned my dreams off and woke me up to a nightmare, I got worried, at first, that I might lose my ground itself. And then I grew despondent, feeling hapless at all the things that have turned their back at me. Later, I became nonchalant, as I realized there was very little I could do to straighten up the mess.

However, my nonchalance seems to have faded away with the time. My impatience had me impose some bruised feelings on my clique. I have been distressed with the thought that many lives are continuously beleaguered with my indecisive status. The biggest quandary for them is that their ambiguousness of the existing problem. I don’t have guts to imagine the predicament they are going through when they see a face full of uncouth questions. More importantly, these confrontations are quiet unavoidable and always end up in individual conclusions and most of these have a crooked touch to their opinion.

As for me, I feel guilty for letting down that one person, I feel blameworthy for the chaos that has been stirring us down into the realm of uncertainty. I feel culpable for my parents having to answer many trivial faces which they never had to all these years until this happened.

The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness itself is enough to demoralize a person to downfall. The feeling of being left out in gutter for the reasons that are unquestionably beyond reasonable, leaves me flabbergasted and mournful. There is no logic for this tight spot. Then again, searching logics for every incident in your life would be a futile effort. Few things lack explanation, and few things don’t welcome explanation.

Some incidents in life, no matter how trivial they are, will leave an impeccable mark, will teach an unforgettable lesson. The pebbles which I thought they were have become boulders that may (or may not) easily sink me down along with them. At the end I may emerge successfully, but the lesson, the trauma, the perturbation and the powerlessness will never ever be forgotten.

But till that time, I hope to remain sane, I hope to stay vertical, I hope to see myself balanced, no matter how deep the evil paws of unrest claw in.

అభిప్రాయాంబుధి !!

చాలా రోజులుగా నా వ్రాతలు ఆగిపోయాయి. ఇలా ఆగిపోయిన ప్రతిసారి, నన్ను నేను అడిగే ప్రశ్న, అయిపొయిందా నా తృష్న? ఈ సందేహం నా ఆహాన్ని దెబ్బతీసిందేమో కాని నా దాహాన్ని తీర్చలేకపొయింది. నాలో కలిగే అనుభూతులకు, నాలో రేగే అలోచనలకు ఒక రూపం ఇవ్వాలన్న నా ఆసక్తిని ఆపలేకపొయింది. నా అభిప్రాయలకు ఎదో ఒక రూపం ఇవ్వాలన్న నా తపన, ఎలాగైన ఒక రూపం ఇవ్వాలన్న నా తొందరపాటును ఎప్పుడు తరిమివేస్తూనే ఉంది. ఏదో ఒక రూపం ఇవ్వడానికి, ఎలాగైన రూపం ఇవ్వడానికి చాలా తేడా ఉంది. ఎదో రూపం ఇచ్చే ప్రయత్నంతో మొదలుపెట్టి, ఎలాగైన రూపం ఇచ్చే దశకు చేరుకొన్న నన్ను నేను చూసి, అసంతృప్తితో, ఆవేదనతో, నిరాశతో, నిస్తేజంతో నిర్లిప్తంగా వెనుదిరిగిన రోజులు కోకొల్లలు.

కొన్ని అభిప్రాయలు రాయిపైన చెక్కని శిల్పాల వలె మిగిలిపొతాయి. కొన్ని అలోచనలు ఆకుని తాకని బిందువులాగ కరిగిపొతాయి. ప్రతి మనిషి ప్రతి సంధర్భానికి, ప్రతి సమస్యకి, ప్రతి సన్నివేషానికి ఒక నిర్దిష్ట అభిప్రాయాన్ని, లేదా ఒక నిర్దిష్ట స్పందనను ఏర్పర్చుకొంటాడు. ఇలాంటి, ఈ ఏర్పర్చుకొన్న స్పందన వారి వారి అవగాహన, వారి వారి అనుభవాల మీద ఆధారపడి ఉంటుంది. ఇలా అందరిలోను పుట్టిన అభిప్రాయాలు అందరికి వినబడవు, దానికి కారణాలు చాలా ఉన్నాయి. కొందరు వ్యక్త పర్చలేరు, కొందరికి వ్యక్త పర్చడం వ్యక్తిత్వం కాదు. ఇలా పరిసరాలు, పరిస్థితులు పరిగణనలోకి తీసుకొని పరిశీలిస్తే అన్ని అభిప్రాయాలు అందలం ఎందుకు ఎక్కవో అర్థం అవుతుంది.

మనలో పుట్టే అభిప్రాయాలు, విరివనములో స్వేచ్చగా విహరించే సీతకొకచిలుకలవంటివి కొన్ని, ఇంకా రూపాంతరత చెందని గొంగళిపురుగులా క్లుప్తంగా, వీడి వీడని మత్తులా, మబ్బుల వెనక దాగిన జాబిలిలా కొన్ని. అన్ని అభిప్రాయాలు అందరికి తెలియాలా? తెలియనక్కర్లేదు, తెలిసినా తప్పులేదు. అన్ని తెలిసినా, మనిషి తనకు నచ్చింది మాత్రమే తనతో మోసుకెళ్తాడు. లేదా ముందు అన్నట్టు, తెలియనక్కర్లేదు, ఎందుకంటే నాలో కలిగే వెయ్యి అలోచనల ఫలితం నేను రాసే ఈ పది రాతలు మాత్రమే!! ఇలా కలిగిన వెయ్యి అలోచనలలో, చాలా మటుకు తల తోక తెలియక పుట్టినవే. లేదా నాకు తికమక కలిగించినవే. కొన్ని నాకు అర్థం అయిన నేను అందరికి అర్థం అయ్యేలా చెప్పలేనివి. కొన్ని నేను రాయలేనివి, కొన్ని నేను రాయకూడనివి. ఇలా నాకు కలిగిన అనంతమైన అలోచనల నుంచి, అవధులులేని అభిప్రాయాల నుండి, రూపంతరత చెందిన, నేను అర్ధం చేసుకొన్న, నలుగురికి అర్థం అయ్యేలా చెప్పగలిగే నాలుగు పదాలను రాయడానికి పట్టే వ్యవధి కొన్ని సార్లు తీరాలను దూరం చేసిన అగాధంలా అనిపించినా, సన్నిహితుల ప్రొత్సాహం, సదా నాలో ఉరకలేసే ఉత్సాహం, తీరం తాకి వచ్చిన అలల స్పర్షలా అనిపించి, నన్ను, నా అవ్యక్త భావాలాకు ఒక రూపాన్ని కలిగించేలా చేస్తుంది, దాని ఫలితమే మీరు చదివిన ఈ పదాల మంజరి, నాలో మ్రోగిన అనుభూతి మువ్వల లాహిరి.

Limited Immunity

All the talk about ‘no one would target cricketers’ sound very depressing and unappealing now. Yet another attack by terrorists’ shook up Pakistan, but this time the target was cricket team of Sri Lanka, who stepped up to fill in the void when team India pulled out, citing the security concern.

Tuesday 2nd march, 2009 seemed like any other day, but in the wildest dreams no one anticipated something malicious would be the order of the day. No one thought that the events following the shiny early morning would send tremors in cricketing world which would eventually drive Pakistan away and label as cricketing pariah. Twelve masked terrorists, who seemed to be well trained, who were in ambush, attacked the convoy of Sri Lankan Team that was on the way to Gaddafi stadium. A grenade was also thrown at the bus but it missed. They started shooting at team members, who were inside the bus sitting ducks, indiscriminately and in the process killed six gunmen and two civilians. After they wreaked havoc all the terrorists were able to get away without any difficulty, which is clearly impalpable. Some of the victims have sustained heavy blows but the most of them were stable and conscious. The Lahore test was called off immediately and the players were taken to near by secured areas.

This solo attack on the players, even though, didn’t claim any lives, fortunately, but the fear that it has created is overwhelming. All these days there was a talk that cricket would never be a target of the mask men. But it’s now very clear that no one would be spared. I feel that the whole talk about cricket wouldn’t be a target was neither confident nor convincing; it was more of presumptuous mixed with a ray of hope. I believe that the motives and ambitions (right or wrong, that’s another debate) of terrorists are much stronger than their love for cricket, I mean they have to be, otherwise we wouldn’t have seen this chaos. I don’t think they even give a damn about cricket or for that matter anything else except their purpose.

But the biggest question that prevails now is the status of Pakistan in cricket terms. As of now, no team is open and willing to tour Pakistan in foreseen future. Their consensus will remain same until something miraculous happens. But considering the current situations of trouble hit Pakistan, recuperation and redemption seems highly unlikely. But, will abandoning Pakistan really solves the problems? I don’t think so; in fact it strengthens the vicious circle that has been surrounding us and menacing to catapult us. If we keep abandoning the terrorist hit soils, we may have to stop playing cricket in South-Asia right away and one has to think twice before committing to play away from home. (This year’s IPL will be a crucial and challenging one for organizers to run it smoothly, especially as the schedule is coinciding with the General Election.)

Terrorism has no home. Terrorism has no region or religion. It is ubiquitous and it is fight among human beings. Nobody has a solution to alleviate, if not eradicate, the terrorism which has been deep rooted convolutedly in minds of few ruffians.

I feel Pakistan had a golden opportunity to prove the strength of its security and to win the accolades of other cricket playing nations by taking some serious measures to prevent the attack on the visiting team. It would have been a huge boost for the other nations to comply with request of Pakistan to pay visit. But the pandemonium leaves me in uncertainty of disbelief, a disbelief that started to linger in my mind asking if Pakistan is a new cemetery where cricket rests alive and unmercifully and we all stare at it's downfall despondently.

Rah'Maniac'!!

‘Music fills the infinite between two souls’, yes, it does. In fact, last night, it did fill the infinite (not literally) hiatus that had been in existing for long time between west and east. Finally, Rahman’s sleight of hand did capture the hearts of Academy award. The honor was befitting and remarkable to his excellence in music.

When I listened to the tunes of Roja first time, even though Rahman was a some new guy on the block, those tunes were so mesmerizing that I totally fell in love with his work. Undoubtedly, it was not just me, but the whole nation gone wild tapping their foot to the tunes of Roja and predictably he was honored by his first national award and a new era embarked in Indian music history. Since then his music always had his essence added to it. His tunes were/are typically peculiar. Some of the songs demanded the audience to listen more than once to get into groove of the song.

In this journey he worked with different directors in different languages. Amongst, some of his combinations have proved to be setting new trend in music history. I would be lying if I said I could pick his best numbers. There are so many, there is Roja, there is Indian, Bombay, Rangeela, Taal, Dil Se, Rhythm, and the list goes on and on… His tunes have all the flavors one would expect, some are nostalgic (theme of Bombay for sure), some are soothing (Jashn-e-Baharaa, instrumental Flute), some would set you afire, some would let you perspire in astonishment, some are romantic, some are classic and some are periodic and some are contemporary. He alone, invaded all the genres of music and he himself invented a genre of his own.

Of all the experiments, I like his Sufi songs more than anything. They totally draw my attention. I think Sufi has that magic to drive you oblivion to the contemporary world and divulge the beauty of divine words with the sense of music.

I am completely privileged to be in the era of AR Rahman. I have been witnessing and relishing his music and of course, keeping my collection updated since the time he started off his journey. The journey has led us to explore a world beyond our thoughts, a rainbow beyond the colors and dreams beyond our imaginations, through his music.

Watch out world, here comes the Mozart of Madras!!

Familiar Stranger!!

"With gun in my hand, I feel safe" I hear these words even after the weeks of conversation that I had with my colleague. Those words keep hammering my tympanum and conscience keeps questioning me.

At the beginning people living in particular places developed a particular culture according to their needs and availabilities. A habit in one culture might be an offense in another. An abuse in one civilisation might be a trait in another. The place where I work is full of people who started playing with guns and ammo at the age of five or six, where as me touched my own toy gun at the age of nine. My zero knowledge about guns keeps me totally out of the loop when it comes to the group conversations at work. I don't regret that though. I regret that they look at the gun as peacekeeper (at least mentally). I regret that they feel safer with the gun in hand.

As the recession looms bigger and deeper, the urge to own a gun grows bigger. There are few people who believe that melt down in economy would lead to a spike in the theft and lootings. One feels these hand guns ammo would be handy at the times of difficulty to keep oneself safe and secured.

Meanwhile, the quagmire of Indians living in US keeps bulging with the increase in mysterious homicides. This puzzle becomes obscure and murky with never heard feedback from investigators. Obviously, Indian media send chills to the parents making this whole quandary more complicated and more convoluted. I believe, these murders have nothing in common except that they all are Indians(thats why they talk about these back home). One big coincidence is that all are Andhraites. It would be preposterous to take this coincidence as preconceived notion by killers to gun down Andhraites. By going gaga over these murders and by covering up ourselves under the blanket of terror, we wouldn’t achieve any better solution. One way to minimize the threat, if not prevent, would be staying alert of environment and refrain ourselves from the designated dangerous neighborhoods. We all have to accept that, even in a free country, there are certain places where we are not allowed to roam around freely at certain times.

The plunge in economy and growth in unemployment certainly drove the US to doldrums. The turn around might take an year or two, which is very uncertain as we are not yet sure that meltdown had hit the bottom. But in the meantime, the desperation to stay aloof from penury will definitely lead some of us to inhuman. Those are the times one needs to more vigilant and more humane. I am not saying, being humane would solve all the problems, but holding a gun wouldn’t solve the problem at all.

If I look at the circumstances, I feel pity on myself that I don’t know which one I should consider more threatening, an unknown ruffian who is after Indians (supposedly, as per media) or familiar face at the work who holds a gun and is not hesitant to aim at me, if he feels a threat, to keep himself safe.

I asked one colleague, why do you carry a gun? He replied, “its my freedom, use it or else, will lose it.”

What a Bummer!!

२००९!!

రైల్వే స్తేషన్ క్రిక్కిరిసి ఉంది. ప్లాట్ ఫారం అంతా గోల గోలగా ఉంది. అర్థం కాని మాటల వరద ఎడతెరిపి కురుస్తుంది. ఒకవైపు ఎదురుచూచి అలిసిన ప్రయాణికుల నిరాశను పారద్రోలడానికి మైకులో ఒక గొంతు ప్రయాసలు పడుతుంది. ఇంకో వైపు టీవీలో ప్రయాణికుల నిస్తేజాన్ని నిర్ములనకై ఒక అమ్మాయి తెగ పాట్లు పడుతుంది. అలా మాటల వరద, మూటల బురద దాటుతూ మంచినీళ్ళ కొళాయి వేటలో పడ్డాను. ఇందాక దిగిన రైలులో నీళ్ళు ఎంత తాగిన దాహం తీరం లేదు. బహుశ నీళ్ళు మంచివి కావు అనుకొంటా, లేదా నా దాహం సముద్రంలా విశాలం, ఎదో ఒకటి!! ఎది ఎమైనా, ముందు మంచి నీళ్ళు కావాలి.

అలా ముందుకు నడిచాను. నడిచాను అనడం కంటే పాకాను అంటాను. ఇసుకేస్తే రాలనంత జనం, అతిశయోక్తి అయిన దాదాపు అలానే ఉంది. అందరు వారి వారి మాటల్లో మునిగి ఉన్నారు. అలా వెళ్తూ ఉండగా, ఇద్దరు నడివయస్సు మహిళలు 'ఈ ట్రైన్ అయిన రావల్సిన టైంకి వస్తుందా. ఇందాకటిది బాగా ఆలస్యమయ్యింది. ముందు వస్తే ఇలా జరుగకపొయేదేమో?, దానికి బదులుగా, 'లోకంలో ఎప్పుడు జరగనట్టు అంటున్నావే, ఇప్పుడు ఈ ట్రైన్ రావల్సిన టైంకి వచ్చినా, అనుకొన్న పనులు అవుతాయా?' అప్రయత్నాంగానే వాళ్ళ మాటలు నా చెవిన పడ్డాయి. ఇద్దరిలో ఒక ఆవిడ ఆవిరి అయిన నమ్మకం వెనక దాగిఉన్న ఒక ఆశ బిందువుని చూడలని ఆరాటపడుతుంది, ఇంకో ఆవిడ ఎడారి ప్రయాణంలో ఒయాసిస్సు దాహం తీర్చదు అంటుంది. తను ఎన్ని కష్టాలు తరువాత ఈ నిర్ణాయనికి వచ్చిందో!! ఎన్ని కష్టాలు అనుభవించిన, భవితపైన ఆశ ఉండాలి, అనుకొంటూ, అదే ఆశను నమ్ముకొన్న నేను, ఆ స్తేషన్లో నీళ్ళు దొరుకుతాయని ముందుకు కదిలాను.

నేను నడుస్తున్న స్టేషన్ భాగం చిందర వందరగా కనిపించింది. ఎక్కడికి అక్కడ గుంపులు గుంపులుగా మనుషులు, అలాంటి గుంపులు అన్నీ కలిసి జన సందోహంలాగ అనిపించింది. ఏ గుంపు కూడా ఇంకో గుంపులా లేదు, కాని తారతమ్యం లేని విధంగా కలిసిపొయారు. ఈ స్టేషన్ అందరిని కలిపే ఒక సేథువులాగ ఉంది. అందరు ఎదో ఒక పనిలో నిమఙ్ఞమై ఉన్నారు. కొందరి మాటలు ఢిల్లి కోటను కుడా దాటేసాయి. మరి కొందరివి పక్కనున్న సేటును కూడ దాటలేకపొయాయి. ఒక అమ్మ, అమ్మాయి గొలలో పడి విలువైన వస్తువు ఇంతకు ముందరి ట్రైన్లో మర్చిపొయిన తన కొడుకు భాగోతం చెప్తుంది. అది వినడానికి, విని బాధపడడానికి కొడుకు అక్కడలేదు, బహుశ వేటలో ఉన్నాడు అనుకొంటా!! ఒక అయ్య తను కష్టపడి సంపాదించిన ట్రైన్ టిక్కెట్ కథను చెప్తున్నాడు, యువకులకు స్పూర్థి ఇవ్వాలని ఒక ఆశ కాబోలు!! ఒక యువకుల గుంపు నిన్న రాత్రి జరిగిన క్రికెట్ గురించి చర్చిస్తున్నారు, అది చర్చ మరియు వాదనల మధ్య కొట్టుమిట్టాడుతున్నట్టుంది. కొందరు మాత్రం ఇవేమి పట్టనట్టుగా పత్రిక చదువుతున్నరు, కొందరు ప్రకటనలు వింటున్నారు, పిల్లలు పరుగులు తీస్తున్నారు. మరి కొందరు ఖాళీగా కుర్చున్నారు, కాని వాళ్ళ కళ్ళలో ఎదో కనిపించని బాధ, ఎదో దాచుకోలేని వ్యధ, ఎవరో దోచుకున్నారు అన్న సొద వినిపిస్తుంది. వీరి కళ్ళకు రాబోయె ట్రైన్ పైన నమ్మకంలేదు, ఆశ లేదు, ఆతృత అస్సలు లేదు. వారికి ఈ ప్రపంచం అంతా మోసమే అనిపిస్తుంది. కాని గట్టిగా గొంతు విప్పి చెప్పలేని మాటలు నేర్చిన మూగవాళ్ళు. అలా ఆలోచిస్తు దూరంగ కనిపించే కొళాయి వైపు తిరిగాను. నేను ఇంకా బ్రతికే ఉన్నాను అన్నట్టుగ బొట్లు బొట్లుగా కారుతుంది కొళాయి, అ బొట్లను ఏరుకొని దాహాన్ని దాటలనుకొనే నా లాంటి వాళ్ళు నలభై మంది కనిపించారు ఆ కొళాయి ముందు. నాకు ఆశ సన్నగిల్లింది, దాహం బలపడింది, నీళ్ళ గోల గగ్గొలుపెట్టింది.

అలా ఆ గందరగోళం నుంచి ముందుకు కదిలాను. నా దాహం ఇంకా ఎక్కువయ్యింది. మెల్లిగా జన సందోహం సన్నగిల్లింది. మాటల సడి కాస్త వర్షం నుంచి జల్లులకు తగ్గింది. అక్కడ నడక చాలా సునయాసంగా ఉంది కాని కాళ్ళకే దూరం ఎక్కువ అనిపిస్తుంది. బాదరబంది లేదు. చుట్టూ జనాల గోల లేదు. చెట్టుకు అక్కడక్కడ కాసిన కాయాల లాగ, చిన్న చిన్న గుంపుల్లొ ఉన్నారు. ఒక గుంపు ఇంకో గుంపుతో కలుపుగోలుగా లేదు. అందరి కళ్ళలో మెరుపులు కనిపిస్తున్నాయి. ఎక్కడ అమావాస్య చీకట్ల ఛాయలు లేవు. అందరి మొహాలపైన చెరగని చిరునవ్వు వాడని పువ్వులాగ (ప్లాస్టిక్ పువ్వులాగ) వెలుగుతూ ఉంది. కాని అందరి చూపులో ఒక శోధన. ఎండమావిలో నీళ్ళకై వెతికే బాటసారి చూపులు అవి. అందరికి కనిపించే జ్యోతి వెలుగు వెనక కాలే వొత్తి రూపంలా ఉంది వాళ్ళ వేషం. రాబోయే ట్రైన్ కి సన్నాహాలు జోరుగ ఉన్నాయి. వీరికి ప్రతి ట్రైన్లో తమకై కేటాయించిన వసతులు ఉంటాయి. వీరి వసతులకు మిగత జనాల బెడద అసలే ఉండదు. అందుకే పొయిన ట్రైన్ రాబొయే ట్రైన్ మధ్య వీరికి పెద్దగ తేడా కనిపించదు. ఇలా ఆలోచనల మధ్య మల్లి దాహం నన్ను రెక్క పట్టి లాక్కొని వచ్చింది రైల్వే ప్లాట్ ఫారం పైకి. అక్కడ చూస్తే నీళ్ళు సీసాల్లొ అమ్ముతున్నారు. అవి కొనే తాహతు, సాహసం నా దాహానికి లేదు. అందులోను నా దాహం ఖరీదు కేవలం నా ప్రాణమే. నా ప్రాణం విలువ నేను నడుస్తున్న చొట చాలా చవక!!

అలాగే ముందుకు నడుస్తున్నా, నీళ్ళకై!! దోసిలిలో దాగిన నీళ్ళతో సేదతీరే నన్ను నేను చూసుకొవాలనే తపనతో. ప్లాట్ ఫారం చివరకు వచ్చేసాను అనుకొంటా, మెల్లిగా గుంపులు కూడ తగ్గిపొయాయి. ఆకాడక్కడ విసిరి పారేసినట్టుగ, విధి వెలి వేసినట్టుగా గట్టుకొకరు చెట్టుకొకరు కనిపించారు. వారి తలరాతలలాగే అతికి అతికని చిరిగిన బట్టలు, శివుడి ఝటాఝుటాలను మరిపించే చెదిరిన జుట్టు, సప్తఋషుల మాదిరి పొడవాటి నెరిసిన గడ్డం, ఆకలి మంటతో రెందు అంచులు కలిసిన కడుపు, ఆశల వలయంలో బూడిద తిన్న సాక్షిగా నల్లగ మెరుస్తున్న నాలిక, వారి కళ్ళలో మాత్రం కనిపించని కల, కాదు కాదు.. కనిపించే కలి. ఆ కళ్ళు మాత్రం నాకు అర్థం కావట్లేదు. ఒక కంటిలో బాధ, భయం, జాలి, దయ, క్రోధం, కోపం, ఆహం, ఆశ నిరాశ అన్ని కలగలిసి జీవితపు ఆకాశాన్ని తాకలనే కడలి అలలాగ ఎగిసిపడుతున్నాయి. ఇంకో కంటిలో ఇవేమి లేవు, కనిపించేది కేవలం శూన్యమే!! వారికి గమ్యం లేదు, కేవలం మజిలీలు మాత్రమే. వారికి ఉన్నదల్లా గగనం మాత్రమే, వారు నేర్చిందల్ల గమనం మాత్రమే. వారికి ట్రైన్ పైన ధ్యాసలేదు. వారికి జీవితం ఎక్కడైన ఒకటే. జీవితం ఎక్కదైన వారికి ఎండిన చెరువే.

అందుకే నీళ్ళు వెతికే ప్రయత్నం మానుకొన్నాను. కాని నా దాహం నన్ను వీడలేదు. నాలిక నాలుగు చుక్కల తడికి నలుదిక్కుల చూస్తుంది. ఇంతలో మైకులొ ఏదొ వినిపించింది. ఇక్కడ మైకులొ చెప్పేది బాగ వినిపిస్తుంది. మొదట దిగిన చోట, ఆ జనాల గోలలో అర్థం కాక, అందరితో పాటే మనం అనుకొని ఉన్నాను. ఆ తరువాత ఆ ఖరీదైన భాగంలో, వారికి అంతరాయం కలుగకుండా రాకపోకలను వివరించేవారున్నారు. నా లాంటి వాళ్ళు సమాచార లేమితో బ్రతకాలి అక్కడ. ఇకా ఈ చివరన, అందరికి అర్థం అయ్యేల బాగా వినిపిస్తుంది, కాని వినేవాళ్ళే కరువయ్యారు.

ఇక విషయానికి వస్తే, ఇంకాసేపట్లో నేను (మేము) ఎక్కాల్సిన ట్రైన్ రాబోతుంది. నా దాహం మాత్రం తీరలేదు. ఇక వేరే గత్యంతరం లేక, రాబొయె ట్రైన్లో నా "భవి"త నా దాహం తీరుస్తుందని ఆశతో ట్రైన్ వైపు కదిలాను. ఇంతకు మీకు ట్రైన్ పేరు చెప్పలేదు కదూ.. అదే, 2009!!