Off to SWADES..

I am extremely happy these days, as I will be visiting home soon. This time it will be a special visit, and the occasion is one of the biggest in my life, my sister’s wedding. I have been looking forward to this moment for a very long time.

Weddings are always pleasurable, especially if it is your siblings, you can’t express the bliss you undergo. Commonly, they say, one wedding would make way to another and, luckily, I am already in line. It’s really touching to learn that I would see my sister in bridal ensemble. Sometimes I feel it’s too early, may be, as we have been living together for these many years, the attachment drives me to consider her as a kid. I am sure emotions will be at peak when the bidaayi time comes. Even now, my eyes are getting wet. This is the toughest moment in a family. We know that this moment is on the cards, but still never care about it till we get to that very moment. And I feel, in these things women are stronger than men. Women are mentally more stable than men. They can live thru any trauma. They might be weaker physically but certainly men won’t stand any where close to women in mental maturity. I know it’s hard to digest the fact guys, but let’s digest that fact to reduce the difference in maturity. I am sure we can have an unending debate on this topic, as I had some in the past, but all will prove ineffective/futile in real life.

It’s very hard to learn the fact that a woman would have to enter a new family and start all together with new people with different perspectives, leaving behind the family with whom she lived all her life, and just carrying the memories, memories of affection. Whatever enjoy and whatever fun she had with her family will now be ripped into a small piece of footage in her mind. She just has to play it again and again, till she get to a point where she starts copying the new stuff. But that transition is not as easy as I am writing here. To live with this ordeal and still be capable of bringing smile on face, hiding tears is a Herculean task.

Anyway, I am all excited for the big occasion and hope my sister’s life will be filled with all the joy and fun in coming years.

Meanwhile, I would be on hunt for a girl, who has brains enough for two.

ill-FATEd

Look at the irony, a fortune deficient fortune teller is sitting on the footpath of Bangalore road who thinks, can read the fate of others; in fact she herself needs help in learning the harsh reality of her own fate, a fate that is full of unsympathetic and unpleasantful predicaments caused by many unwanted elements of society which can not be read or seen in the cards.

I believe, she could be a victim of either ignorance or negligence.

(Photo Courtesy Sandeep K.Siddamsetty)

అందమైన అబద్ధం

మళ్ళీ దేశం వెళుతున్నందుకు చాల సంతోషంగ ఉంది. చాలా రోజుల తరువాత మళ్ళీ ఆనందం వెల్లి విరిసింది. ఒక ఖైదిని బెయిలు పైన కొన్నాళ్ళు విడుదల చేసినంత ఆనందం. ఇదంతా తాత్కాలికమే అని తెలిసిన, తెలియనట్టుగానే ఆనందపడుతున్నాను. కొన్ని నిజాలు తెలియకపోతేనే మంచిది.

నేను 8 నేలల క్రితమే దేశం వెళ్ళాను. కాని ఈ 8 నెలలు చాల క్లిష్టంగా గడిచాయి. మనసులో నిండిన ఙ్ఞాపకాలు మోయలేనంత బరువయ్యాయి. నాలో ఉత్సాహాన్ని నింపే ఙ్ఞాపకాలు నన్ను పీఢకలలా వేధించాయి. మర్చిపొవాలంటే భయం, గుర్తుతెచ్చుకొవాలంటే భయం. ఇక వేరే దారిలేక నాఫోను పైన భారం వేయాల్సి వచ్చింది. నేను ఇంటికి రెండు గంటల దూరంలొ ఉన్న నాలుగేళ్ళలో కూడ మాట్లాడనంత సేపు గత 8 నెలలలో మాట్లాడాను. ఒక గొప్ప వ్యక్తి అన్నట్టుగా దూరం అంటే సాగదీసిన సాన్నిహిత్యమే. కాని దూరం అవుతే తప్ప తెలుసుకోలేని విలువకు నిజంగా విలువ ఉందా? అల తెలుసుకొన్న విలువకు వెల కట్టెదెలా? పోని ఈ దూరానికి కారణం ఆ విలువకు సరితూగగలదా? నా దృష్టిలో మాత్రం ముమ్మాటికి కాదు, సరితూగలేదు.

ఇక్కడ అత్యంత బాధకరమైన విషయం ఎంటంటే నిజాలు తెలిసి నిమ్మకు నీరెత్తినట్టు బ్రతుకుతున్నాను. నెమ్మదిగ నన్ను నేను మోసం చేసుకొవడానికి ప్రయత్నం చేస్తూనే ఉన్నాను. అప్పుడప్పుడు నాలోని నేను నన్ను నిలదీసి అడుగుదామనుకొంటే, నాకు తెలియక నేనే నా నుంచి కనుమరుగువుతున్నాను. ఇంతకు ముందు అన్నట్టు కొన్ని నిజాలు తెలియనట్టు ఉంటెనే ఆనందం. ఇంక ఎన్నాళ్ళు ఇలా? ఎమో, అది తెలిస్తే, ఇంత బాధ ఉండకపొయేది. ఇప్పుడు తెలిసిందల్లా, నా దేశ ప్రయాణం. అది ఎన్నాళ్ళు అని అలోచించక, ఆనందానికి అవధులు లేవనుకొని గడపాలన్నదే నా ఆశ.

కల

ఎకాంతపు కొలనులో ఒంటరిగ ఉన్న పువ్వును నేను

అలలు సృష్టించగ వచ్చిన గాలివి నువ్వు

రెక్కలు తెగిన వికారి తొడిమిలాగ మిగిలాను నేను

అలను సృష్టించి కలలాగ కనుమరుగయ్యావు నువ్వు.

చీకటిలో నడి రాతిరిలో నీ జతకై నేను

మెరుపులు మెరుస్తు వెలుగులు చిమ్ముతు ఆరని జ్యోతిలా నువ్వు

వెన్నెలవై వెలుగునిస్తావని, వేల్పువవుతావని నమ్మాను నేను

వర్షమై, వరదవై కన్నీళ్ళు మిగిల్చావు నువ్వు

కలల లోకంలో నేను

కలల లొకమే నువ్వు

కన్నీళ్ళు కార్చింది నేను

కన్నీళ్ళలో కరిగింది నువ్వు

ANKUR..

Ankur, the title itself makes you think deeply. Ankur is a Sanskrit word, which means Seedling or a new beginning and the movie depicts the same. The plot of the movie is a true story happened in one of the rural areas of Andhra Pradesh state. The way it has been portrayed on the silver screen is really commendable. The notable thing is, this movie was the first venture of Shyam Benegal, a director who showed the new angle in the film making and went on to give us some memorable films. The irony is this one was also the first movie of Shabana Azmi, who probably is one of the greatest performers of Indian Film Industry.

The stroy of the movie goes like this..

Surya (Anant Nag), the college-going son of a well-to-do farmer is forced into giving up his studies in order to look after the family property. He is married against his will to a young girl, Saryu (Priya Tendulkar), who would join him when she attains puberty. Bored and lonely in his farmhouse, Surya finds himself attracted to his maidservant Lakshmi (Shabana Azmi), wife of a poor deaf-mute potter Kishtaya (Sadhu Meher) but she spurns his advances. Kishtaya is caught stealing Toddy and is punished. Humiliated, he runs away from the village. Lakshmi, now destitute gives in to Surya who promises to look after her. Their brief idyllic association ends with the arrival of Saru who senses their past relationship and dismisses Lakshmi. Lakshmi, who is now pregnant, wakes up one morning to find Kishtaya beside her, giving her the money he has earned in his absence. Lakshmi breaks down but is reassured when he appears pleased at her approaching motherhood thinking the child to be his. Kishtaya goes to Surya asking for work and to tell him the good news. In a frenzy of conflicting emotions and fearing exposure, Surya beats him mercilessly. Lakshmi rushes to her husband's rescue and hurls a torrent of insults and curses at Surya. Surya cowers at his own pain and prevarication, coming to terms with his circumscribed life.

Every actor in the movie lived their roles. Probably this one is Shabana Azmi’s one of the greatest performances, and at the end you just remember her as servant maid Lakshmi (but not as Shabana) who is destitute yet defensive, remorseful yet rebellious if someone harms her love, her life and her self respect. The best scene of the movie comes in the very last frame, when a small boy throws a stone at the window of Landlord house. The personification of revolution, the personification of fall of a boulder is praiseworthy. Even the powerful, dominant landlord becomes cowardice when a small boy turns his back and ignites the flames of revolution by throwing a stone at landlord’s window and all this time landlord hides himself behind the closed doors weeping at the fall of a boulder, a boulder of unquestioning tyranny.

Even though this movie was made in 70’s, I feel it still fits to the current situations of the society. Slavery and oppression are still a part of the society in some places of independent India. The only change is, people stopped making these kind of movies, which is unwanted and unworthy and unyielding.

(for more info, click http://www.upperstall.com/films/ankur.html)

Procrastination.

Some days are lucky, and some days are like a ride over Atlantic with lot of turbulence in the air. Right when you are enjoying the picturesque blue water of ocean, you hear the announcement over PA about the presence of turbulence. The very moment of luxury becomes a frightening comfort. In the above case you can hardly find a solution to nullify the nature’s act. But there are some circumstances where we can definitely avoid some uneventful moments, but there lies our laziness which constantly backs us up in letting us down and throwing us into unwanted doldrums.

That day I was driving to DMV (dept of Motor Vehicle) to renew my driving license as its expiration was due in one more day. I knew when it would expire, but I waited till the penultimate day to move the things forward. The drive was fine and I parked the car in the lot and just when I was about to get out of the car, I saw a cop standing right at the back of my car with lights flashing on his car. I was perplexed, as I drove obeying the traffic rules. He came up to me and asked for driver’s license and registration, explaining the problem as the expiration of number plate. I was unaware of that. He asked me if I had received any notice from the DMV regarding the renewal of number plate. I said ‘NO’, but deep down I was yelling at myself on my ignorance at the mail from DMV, which I had been avoiding as an error from DMV. Then he glanced my driver’s license and reminded me the expiration date of it. I told him I was there to take care of renewal of license. In the meanwhile cop tried to get a peek on state inspection tag, and he couldn’t believe what he saw. Believe me I was embarrassed to the core. My inspection tag was also expired and expired long back, a year before, to be exact. I am sure that cop was surprised at my freedom with which I had been driving all this time, all over the places. He had no words of sympathy. I had no excuses, and even I stopped to thinking of excuses. I knew there was no escape out. I knew this day would come, but I was always carried by my sluggishness, negligence. The cop, who got tired of my listlessness, issued a citation and reiterated the deadline quite a few times. After that grueling session with cop, I rushed into DMV as it was at the verge of closing. I hurried to the counter and submitted the license and much to my disappointment, I was asked to pay the renewal fee in cash, which I was unaware of, again, and it was exasperating to hear SORRY from the person behind the counter. It was like rubbing salts on my wounds. I was confounded, distressed. Just then I felt I learned lesson of being lazy.

Today, I paid the fine, cleared the ticket. It needed a big check to flush the negligence. And again, I thought, I learned the lesson, but not really, coz I paid the ticket, as I had to pay it today, as it was the last day before I get summoned from court.

(I know, couple of my friends will be furious to learn this fact, but believe me, I am trying my best to get out of this trauma. It is not a habit, it is just a result of lack of motivation.)

Rich Povery

The recent survey by planning commission shows that, in 2004-2005, 27.5% of the population of India are living under the poverty line, which is which is significant development considering to the number of 36% in 1993-1994. According to the numbers, one out of every four persons is poor. How did they come to this conclusion? What exactly is Poverty line? What's the basis for the calculation? Let’s try digging into the details.

The Poverty threshold, or Poverty line, is the minimum level of income deemed necessary to achieve an adequate standard of living, which includes food, shelter, clothes, education, medical, vacation and savings. The definition of the poverty line by National Sample Survey organization (NSSO) is quiet different, in fact unbelievable (or should I say disbelievable). The official estimates of the poverty line are based on calorie norm of 2400 per capita per day for rural areas and 2100 per capita per day for urban areas. The poverty line is decided on the basis of the amount of food consumed by a person every day (per Capita per Diem), I mean just on the basis of food.

In the '70s, when our governments first began using this definition, the monthly cost of the "basket of food" required to supply the stated nutritional levels was calculated to be Rs 62 in rural areas, and Rs 71 in urban areas. With inflation, those numbers rose to Rs 328 and Rs 454 respectively, by the year 2000. Considering the inflation, in 2004, if you lived in an Indian city and you earned more than Rs 540 a month, you were considered above the poverty level. Remember again that, this figure is the estimated cost of that basket of food on which you spend all your money. We are not talking here about the money required to spend on shelter, clothing, transport and other amenities. So what we are saying is that if your total earnings amounted to more than Rs 540 a month, you were not considered poor. /*We are saying that if you earned, let's say, Rs 600 a month, out of which you paid Rs 540 for food, you were not considered poor. */ And it is by this calculation that we estimate that 26 per cent of India is below the poverty line; that we are pleased that that number has declined from 36 to 26.

But World Bank's definition of poverty line, for underdeveloped countries like India, is US$ 1 per day, per person in other words, $365/year/person, which is more than double the poverty line defined by Government of India.

My concern is not about the amount or the numbers. The disheartening thing is the fact that the Govt of India is hiding the numbers to fit the country in the developing curve. Unfortunately, the truth is far behind the projection or presentation. We are jumbling the numbers to hide our poverty, our scarcity, our deficiency. What are we going to fetch with this false impression of development? Why is the government forcing the people to live in delusional growth? I believe the very definition of poverty line by Govt of India should be changed to a meaningful one. The definition should take into account, all the expenses of adequate living requirements rather than just a basket of food which can sustain mere survival but not a decent livelihood. The rich future of India can be achieved only when we acknowledge and understand our poverty level and strive to get out of the cobweb of dearth.

(For more info, http://www.indiatogether.org/2006/mar/ddz-povline.htm)

నిరీక్షణ..

చీకటి ముసిరిన నా కళ్ళకు నిన్ను చూడాలని

మూగబోయిన నా గొంతుకు నీ పేరు పలకాలని

చచ్చుబడ్డ నా కాళ్ళకు నీ నీడ వైపు నడవాలని

స్థంభించిన నా ఎదలయలో నీ రూపం కొలువవ్వాలని

అలలవంటి నా కలలకు నీ కన్నులు తీరం అవ్వాలని

నిస్తేజమైన నాకు నీ ఊపిరి ఉషస్సు నింపాలని

నిరాశ నిండిన నాకు నిశాంత సమయములో

నవ్వుల నీరజనాలు పలికే నీ కొసమే

నా నిరీక్షణ...

Katha

Last weekend I watched the movie called Katha, made in early 80s, directed by Sai Paranjpe. The star cast was slim but astounding, Naseeruddin Shah, Farooq Shekh and Deepti Naval. The main plot of the movie is so simple and is narrated in the simplest way possible.

Rajaram (Nasseruddin Shah) is middle class clerk living in Chawl, Bombay (Chawl is a housing complex like today’s apartments, where 10-15 different families live at one place.). He is secretly in love with the girl next door Sandhya (Deepti Naval). Rajaram is a real honest guy who is always ready to be helpful to others at any given situation. One day his old friend Bashudev (Farooq Sheikh), who gave up the schooling abruptly and ran away to Delhi, visits him. Bashudev is pretentious and cunning. He is a smooth talker and a con man, who doesn’t have any qualms even stealing from his own friend. With his mastery, conceited skills he impresses one and everyone at chawl. Sandhya and her parents get dazzled with the ostentatious Bashu and which leaves Rajaram heart broken. Bashu escapes the premises right on the morning of the wedding day deserting Sandhya as he has no more moves left to play with. Devastated at the situation, Rajaram offers his concern and asks Sandhya to marry him. Sandhya even though delighted at his offer, she reveals that she had been very intimate with Bashu. Will Rajaram accepts the Sandhya or not, remains to be seen on the screen.

This movie is inspired from the classical story of Hair (Farooq) and Tortoise (Nasseruddin). The presentation is simple and effortless. Protagonists played their roles perfectly. Amazing thing is, the actual chawl residents played their same roles in the movie. The movie doesn’t have any gimmicks or any adulterated jokes. It is just a plain uncomplicated, straight forward movie.

Silsila..

Yeh Kaha aagaye hum, one of the best romantic songs ever. Truly it creates vibes of exberance in me. Added silver lining is the voice of Amitabh bachcan. The voice sets the mood of the song. One can sense the emotion and passion for love in that voice. This was from the movie Silsila, One of the hit films in 1980’s, which had lot of resemblance to real life of Amitabh Bachchan.

Tanhayee(solitude) is not always the best feeling one can ever experience but it definitley helps in realizing many realities and the importance of things in life. You have space to think, space to dream, space to learn and of course lot of space to write. Here the poet writes how it would have been if she (his lover) had been with him.. Well, that’s a quite an imagination. He elucidates the picturesque of tryst eloquently.
Sometimes expectations can be really high, larger than life itself.

--MALE--
Main aur meri tanhaai aksar yeh baatein karte hain
Tum hoti to kaisa hota, tum yeh kehti, tum voh kehti
Tum is baat pe hairaan hoti, tum us baat pe kitni hansti
Tum hoti to aisa hota, tum hoti to vaisa hota
Main aur meri tanhaai aksar yeh baatein karte hain

--FEMALE--
Yeh kahan aa gaye hum
Yunhi saath saath chalte
Teri baahon mein hai jaanam
Mere jism-o-jaan pighalte
Yeh kahan aa gaye hum
Yunhi saath saath chalte

--MALE--
Yeh raat hai, yeh tumhaari zulfein khuli hui hai
Hai chaandni ya tumhaari nazrein se meri raatein dhuli hui hai
Yeh chaand hai ya tumhaara kangan
Sitaarein hai ya tumhaara aanchal
Hawa ka jhonka hai ya tumhaare badan ki khushboo
Yeh pattiyon ki hai sarsaraahat ke tumne chupke se kuch kaha hai
Yeh sochta hoon main kab se gumsum
Ke jab ki mujhko bhi yeh khabar hai
Ke tum nahin ho, kahin nahin ho
Magar yeh dil hai ke keh raha hai
Ke tum yahin ho, yahin kahin ho

--FEMALE--
O, tu badan hai main hoon chhaaya
Tu na ho to main kahan hoon
Mujhe pyaar karne waale
Tu jahan hai main vahan hoon
Hamein milna hi tha hamdam
Issi raah pe nikalte
Yeh kahan aa gaye hum
Yunhi saath saath chalte
Mm, meri saans saans maheke
Koi bheena bheena chandan
Tera pyaar chaandni hai
Mera dil hai jaise aangan
Koi aur bhi mulaayam
Meri shaam dhalte dhalte
Yeh kahan aa gaye hum
Yunhi saath saath chalte

--MALE--
Majboor yeh haalaat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Tanhaai ki ek raat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Kehne ko bahut kuch hai, magar kisse kahe hum
Kab tak yunhi khaamosh rahe aur sahe hum
Dil kehta hai duniya ki har ek rasm utha de
Deevaar jo hum dono mein hai, aaj gira de
Kyoon dil mein sulagte rahe, logon ko bata de
Haan humko mohabbat hai, mohabbat hai, mohabbat
Ab dil mein yehi baat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi

--FEMALE--
Yeh kahan aa gaye hum
Yunhi saath saath chalte
Yeh kahan aa gaye hum

Accurate Stereotype.

Mumbai, commercial capital of India. Personally I have never been there, but I heard it as the city that never sleeps. Largest city in India with population over 13million, and longitudinally stretches over 75KM. Over 6 million people commute everyday on Mumbai railway system, amazing figures. But what more amazing is the journey of Mumbai dabbawala to reach 200,000 hungry recepients without fail, everyday.

Dabbawalas, deliver the lunch box everyday to different people working at different locations of widespread Mumbai. Mumbai trains are too crowded to carry a lunchbox. One needs two hands to keep himself standing straight. It would be a herculean task to carry a bag or lunch box in the midst of humongous group. Dabbawalas deliver the lunchbox everyday before lunch without fail. They start collecting the boxes early in the morning from the recepient's house and begin their journey from one station, and during the journey they sort out the boxes according to the destiny and travel almost 40-50 kms to deliver the boxes at the office without jumbling them. They even collect the boxes at the office after lunch and then deliver back at the respective houses. Even though it looks simple on paper, but when it comes to the figures, its no less work than swimming a sea. They deliver to almost 200,000 customers everyday, and amazing fact is there is only one failure in every 6 million deliveries, incredible. This delivery work dates back more than century now. Most of the crew are third generation workers. They all wear Gandhi Topi, which allows them to be easily recognised in the crowd. For this dyzantine labor they charge mere Rs.300 per lunch box, very less if you compare to the expenses of eating out everyday. Every member of the crew is responsible for 40 boxes everyday. They share the total amount equally among themselves. The committee has four Dharmasatras at different Pilgrim locations of Maharashtra, to provide shelter to visitors. One more thing, they eat only after delivering the boxes to the customers, customer comes first.

I couldn't believe myself when I first learn about them. Even the modern manufacturing methods have more failures than Dabbawalas. They are unique. They don't have preplanned methods to follow, they dont have defined theories to implement. It is all man made plot and even runs on mere man power. This simply proves that any given day, man power can beat any modern computer technology. This Dabbawals mission should be an inspiration to any organisation in the world of entrepreneurship.

Dreaming a Nightmare

I always had this dream. I wanted to see the name of my village in the front page of newspaper. My village is a rudiment area. Its one of those villages which is running against time or nature, without any changes over the past 25 years(as far as I know). My dream has come true today, of course not the way I intended to, but as a worst nightmare of my life.

As always, I opened EENADU website and to my surprise(it shouldnt be a surprise though) first news was brutal one. I clicked the link and read through the news. The news was about an infant(2days old) who was buried alive. The most disgraceful, shameful and disreputable act I ever heard of. The reason was simple, infant is a baby girl. And this brutal incident happened in my village 'Utkur'. Maharoon Begum, is the mother of infant. She is the second one among seven sisters. Unfortunately, she became pregnant premaritally. The parents hid the truth and got her married to an young Abdul. But after realising the truth he just left her at her mother's place and fled from her. Couple of days back Maharoon gave birth to this pre-matured baby. The addition of new baby girl pinched maharoon's family and their insanity compelled them to act as barbarians(I think even a barbarian would feel insulted with this comparison). They wrapped the baby in a cloth and buried her alive in a two feet deep hole. But she was found in couple of hours by a stranger wandering through that way. The baby survived in the burial for more than three hours, a miracle.

This time a miracle saved a life. But we all know miracles are seldom. Its an unimaginable pain to learn these brutal acts. The nation where the modern supreme court has suggested that judicial hanging should be given only in the rarest of rare cases, where as in the incident above an infant was punished for nothing, absolutely nothing. Surprisingly the mistake was committed by the mother and the punishment was given to the infant, how imbecilic??? The greatest of great cultures also have failed to recognise the women as fellow human-beings.

I am very much disappointed with myself. My long term dream turned into a nightmare. I feel remorseful and sickened to take the name of my village on my lips which, once, I was proud of.

(http://eenadu.net/panelhtml.asp?qrystr=htm/panel1.htm)

Farewell Reception..

That day July 3rd 2003, I was tired as I had been at work since 6AM in the morning. Everybody was in festive mood. People were buying liquor and getting ready for the long weekend. I was so hungry and I went straight to Chinese buffet after I got off from work and ate up to the brim of my throat. At the end, I cracked open cookie to see the fortune note. It said “something nice coming in your mail”. Even though, I don’t believe in this stuff, but on that day my alter ego compelled me to rush home to check my mail. I went straight to home and checked my mails, nothing was there. Then I went to see in another source. I had one new email in my inbox. I was all excited and but not anymore after looking at the subject, and the subject was ‘Sorry’ from my cousin. I opened the email and learned that my grand mother passed away that morning.

That mail was disturbing and disruptive. My eyes got wet; I cried out, I screamed, I shedded tears in pain, an unfathomable pain. I called home and broke down in tears for a long time. At that time all I needed was a shoulder to cry on, and I couldn’t even get that. My grand mother was very dear to me. I grew up under her supervision. I was her dearest grandson. She would come to my rescue any time of the day. I believe without her, those shoes would remain unoccupied. It has been four years since she left us; I miss my grand mother very much. I wish I was there during her last breath. During my recent trip to India, I found her picture hanging on the wall. It was perturbing to see her that way. I consider this incident as the most unfortunate one in my life.

I believe she couldn’t stay away from us for longer times, so she came back to us as my niece. Yes, my niece, SIRI, came into this world on the very same day my grand mother left us (of course different years). Siri is a gifted child. She was born with silver spoon in her mouth and always gets that special attention where she goes. Today, we are celebrating her 1st birthday. I wish I could make it home but this distance always prevents me from doing so, but this distance is also helping me grow infectiously affectionate.

Happy birthday SIRI.

Swades..

'Yeh Jo Des Hai… ', this song brings a special feeling, hard to express in words, it reminds me of Home very much. I love this song, I have listened to it numerous times, and in fact, I watched that movie more than dozen times. Probably AR’s one of the best compositions so far. I hope he still has lot to offer. Listening to the song itself was inspiring but watching it on the silver screen was heartening, moving. The platform set for the song in the movie was perfect. I am sure; most of us must have pictured our selves in place of protagonist, Shahrukh.

Not only this song, but the entire album is a gem of its kind. Every song brings the feeling of accomplishment, every song is refreshing, inspirational, invigorating. Background music beats the best of bests. It is smooth, slick and scintillating. There are few situations where BGM brings life to the scenes, like when SRK peeps out through the window of flight to get a glimpse of land, land of India, and when SRK first time drives his caravan into Charanpur following the directions of chikku, when SRK visits a old, poor farmer to collect the rent, absolutely stunning, and many more. Music tells the story; music reflects the mood, agony, or joys the person going through.

I believe this was the one of the dazzling efforts from all the artists. Direction was a balanced one. The only problem was people found it difficult to understand the pain suffered by Indians living outside India. Not only that, it was lacking all the bollywood masala and the length of the movie was a bit more. But I don’t mind watching another dozen times; after all it depicts people like me.

I don’t really care about its commercial success. I think, movie is one the best in recent times. The biggest asset of the movie was music provided by, none other than, ARR. He is the best.

yeh jo des hai tera

swades hai tera

tujhe hai pukara

yeh woh bandhan haijo

kabhi toot nahin sakta

mitti ki hai jo khushbhoo

tu kaise bhoolayega

tu chaahe kahin jaaye

tu laut ke aayega

nayi nayi raahon mein

dabbi dabbi aahon mein

khoye khoye dil se tere

koi yeh kahega

tujhse zindagi hai yeh kahe rahi

sabh to paa liya abh hai kya kami

yunh to saare sukh hai barse

par door tu hai apne ghar se

aa laut chal tu abh deewanae

jahan koi to tujhe apna maane

awaaz de tujhe bulaane wahi des

yeh pal hai wahi

jis mein hai chuupi

koi ek saadi, saari zindagi

tu na pooch raaste mein kaahe

aaye hain is tarha do raahein

tu hi to hai raah jo sujhaye

tu hi to hai abh to jo yeh bataye

chaahe to kis disha mein jaaye wahi des

Stressful IDLE

These days my life at work is little easy, in fact more than that. I am more relaxed and I have too much time to kill. The relaxation levels are little too much that I can be online half of my hours at work. It sounds fun as well as scary.

It sounds fun because you don’t have to work, you don’t have to think, you don’t have to put your brain under stress, you just have to be there and do nothing. It sounds scary because you are idle, you get weird ideas, and you tend to browse unofficial or unauthorized websites, you tend to find some eccentric ideas to kill time instead of utilizing it in constructive way and deep down somewhere I have this feeling that I might get laid off as I don’t have anything to work on now. First of all why am I in this kind of situation? Well, we did what we could and what we should. We have just been waiting on to receive our materials to get started. Apparently here waiting time is more than the time required to design a project. This is how it has been organized here. I am not sure if we could say organized any more. If it was organized then I wouldn’t be writing this blog.

Killing time is the most stressful thing in the world. Believe me; the levels of stress are much worst than that of when you actually work your butt off. I have all the time in the world. I get ready in the morning and I land up on time at work, just to find out that I have whole day to kill. I sit there in front of my computer, browsing desultorily, reading news, sports or what not. In between, I stretch, I walk around, and I doze off, I sing, I chat, and I wait for the clock to tick 5PM.

Believe me; I would have killed myself, if it was not for some beautiful conversations in between. Thanks to Gmail.

Oops, I got my materials, I am going back to work now…

పెళ్ళి చూపులు...

ఆఖరికి పెదనాన్న ఇంటికి చేరుకొన్నాము. ఆ ట్రాఫిక్ లో ఉన్నంత సేపు సరైన సమయానికి చేరుకొంటామో లేదో అని ఒకటే బెంగ అమ్మ, వదినలకు. అనుకొన్నటైముకు చేరుకున్న అలవాటు ప్రకారం పెదనాన్న, 'ఎంటమ్మా! ఇంత లేటు' అన్నారు. అలా అన్న మరుక్షణమే నన్ను తొందరగ మొహం కడుక్కొని తెమలమని నస మొదలయ్యింది. ఇక వాళ్ళ పోరు భరించలేక బాత్ రూము లోకి దూరాను. కాని ఒక చెవి మాత్రము బయటి మాటలను వింటూనే ఉంది. పద్ధతి ప్రకారం ఏమేమి తీసుకొని వెళ్ళాలో వివరిస్తున్నారు పెదనాన్న.

పెదనాన్న మరియు అమ్మాయి తండ్రి, ముప్పై ఏళ్ళ నుంచి మంచి మిత్రులట. ఈ సంబంధం గురించి చెప్పగానే అమ్మాయిని చూడాల్సిన అవసరం లేదు ఏకంగా పెళ్ళి ముహుర్తం పెట్టుకొందాము అని ఒకటే గొడవ. ఆఖరికి నా బాధను అర్థం చేసుకొన్న నాన్న, పెదనాన్న కు వివరంగా వివరించాక ఒకసారి మాట్లాడడానికి ఒప్పుకొన్నారు. తనకు రావడం కుదరదంటూ బాధ్యత అంతా పెదనాన్నకు అప్పగించారు నాన్న. నా పరిస్థితి ఇప్పుదు వెనుక నుయ్యి ముందు గొయ్యి లాగ అయ్యింది. చూడకుండ పెళ్ళి చేసుకొలేను అలాగని చూసినతరువత నచ్చకపోతే, పెదనాన్న నన్ను తన సెంటిమెంటు సముద్రములో ముంచేలా ఉన్నాడు.

'ఇంకెంతసేపు రా!' అంటు తలుపు కొట్టాడు అన్నయ్య. తను నచ్చిన అమ్మాయిని చేసుకొన్న అన్నయ్య కేమి తెలుసు నా బాధ, అనుకొంటూనే 'వస్తున్న' అంటూ బయటికి వెళ్ళాను. 'ఇవిగో కొత్త బట్టలు' అంటు చెల్లి కొన్ని టిప్స్ ఇచ్చి వెళ్ళింది. కాని నా పరిస్థితి ఎవరికి చెప్పేది. పాతికేళ్ళుగ ఎదురుచూస్తున్న ఘడియ రానే వచ్చింది, ఈ పరీక్ష ఎలా ఉంటుందొ కనీసం పరీక్ష ఏ సబ్జెక్ట్ కూడ తెలియని విధార్థి లాగ తెల్ల మొహం వేసుకొని నేను, పరీక్ష పాస్ అయిన విధ్యార్థులకు పట్టా ఇచ్చేద్దామన్నంత సంతోషంతో పెదనాన్న, మమ్మల్ని అనుసరిస్తు వాళ్ళలో వాళ్ళు గుసుగుసలాడుతూ మిగతా దండు బయల్దేరింది. ఇక దారిపొడగున నాకు వాళ్ళ మైత్రి మమకార కథలతో శ్రవణానందం చేసాడు పెదనాన్న. నీటిని చేరడానికి గట్టు మీది కొట్టుకుంటున్న చేప లాగ ఉంది నా పరిస్థితి.

ఇంతలో ఇల్లు రానే వచ్చింది. తిరుపతి దేవుడిని చూసినంత ఆనందం. కాని లోపల తంతు గుర్తుకు వచ్చి మళ్ళీ గుండె వేగం పుంజుకుంది.

రండి రండి అంటూ బయటికి వచ్చారు అమ్మాయి తండ్రి. పరస్పర పరిచయాలు ముగిసాక, హైదరాబాదు ట్రాఫిక్ ను తిట్టడం అయ్యాక అసలు విషయంలోకి దూకారు, ఆతృతగా, అందరు. ఇక అప్పుడు కురిసింది నా పై ప్రశ్నల వర్షం. నా ఉద్యోగం, నా జీతం, అందులో నా జీవితం, నేను కట్టే పన్నులు, నేను తీయించుకొన్న పన్నులు, నేను తిరిగే బండి, నేను తినే తిండి, నా చుట్టు ఉండే పరిసరాలు, ఆ పరిసరాలలో పారే నదులు, ఆ నదులు వెళ్ళి కలిసే సాగరాలు, అన్ని వివరాలు అడిగారు. నాకు భూగోళంలో ఇంత ప్రవేశం ఉందని నాకే తెలియదు అప్పటిదాక. మరీ బోనులో ముద్దాయిలా కాకుండ అప్పుడప్పుడు నన్ను అడుగు అంటూనే తను చెప్పలనుకొన్నది చెప్పేస్తున్నారు పెదనాన్న. నేను మాత్రం అమ్మాయి తల్లి తండ్రి మొహాలు చూస్తు అమ్మాయి ఎలా ఉంటుందొ ఊహించుకొంటున్నాను. ఇక ఆ ప్రశ్నల వర్షంలో తడిసి ముద్దయ్యాక 'పాప' అంటూ ముద్దుగ పిలిచారు అమ్మాయి తండ్రి. అప్పటివరకు నిరాశతో నిస్తేజంగా ఉన్న నాకు, తెలియని ఆత్రుత అందోళనతో రోమాలు నిక్క పొడుచుకొన్నాయి.

సిగ్గుపడుతూ అమ్మయి బయటికి రానే వచ్చింది. నేను కొంచం ఇబ్బందిగానే, ఇష్టంగానే తలపైకెత్తి చూసున్నాను. తను మాత్రం నన్ను తల వంచుకొని తొంగి చూస్తుంది. ఇంతలో అమ్మ, వదిన మరియు చెల్లి వాళ్ళు అడగాలనుకొని తయారు చేసుకొన్న ప్రశ్నావళి మొదలెట్టారు. అమ్మాయి అణుకువగా, వణుకుతున్న కంఠంతో ఒపికగా జవాబిస్తుంది. అలా సాఫిగా సాగుతున్న తంతులో పెదనాన్న చిన్న అడ్డుపుల్ల వేసారు. మమ్మల్ని,అంటే నన్ను అమ్మాయిని, పక్కకు వెళ్ళి మాట్లాడుకొమన్నారు. నేను ఉత్సాహం చూపకపొయిన ప్రొత్సాహంలా కనిపించిన వారి పోరుకు తట్టుకోలేక నోరు మూసుకొని పక్క గదిలోకి జారుకొన్నాను.

గదిలో ఒక కుర్చీలో నేను తన కోసం ఎదురుచూస్తున్నాను. ఇంతలో తను చేతిలో ఫలహారం, టీ పట్టుకొని లోపలకి వచ్చింది. 'తీసుకోండి' అంటు నా వైపు చూసింది, ఆఖరికి తన 'ముఖారవిందం' చూసే అదృష్టం దక్కింది నాకు. ఇంత సేపు ముక్కు, చెవి, కన్ను, ఇలా ఒక్కొక్క అంగం చూసి, తన రూపం ఊహించుకోలేక పొతున్న నా మట్టి బుర్రకు అర్థం అయ్యేలా, జక్కన ఓపికగా చెక్కిన శిల్పంలా ఉంది. ప్రపంచంలోని అందాన్ని కుప్పగ పోసి, దానితో తయారు చేసిన రూపమే తను. వెళ్ళి పెదనాన్న కాళ్ళు మొక్కాలనిపించింది. ఇలా అందమైన అలోచనల అఘాథంలో మునిగిన నాకు, 'ఏవండి' అన్న పిలుపు వినిపించిది. కలను కట్టిపెట్టి తన కళ్ళను చూస్తు కమ్మని గొంతును అస్వాదించాలనుకొన్నాను. అయితే మొహామాటంతో ముడుచుకుపోయిన తనకు నిర్భయంగా తను చెప్పాలనుకొన్నది చెప్పమన్నాను.

అలా పదిహేను నిముషాలు గడిచాక, 'అన్నయ్య! ఇక వెళదామా' అంటూ చెల్లి తలుపు కొట్టింది. ఇంతలో వదిన 'ఇక ఇంటికి రావా' అంటూ ఆటపట్టించింది. నేను మాత్రం నొట మాట రాక బయటకు నడిచాను. బయట పెదనాన్న నవ్వుతూ స్వాగతం పలికాడు. ఇక అందరు ఆలస్యం అవుతుందని పద్దతి ప్రకారం వీడ్కోలు వ్యవహారం ముగించి పెదనాన్న ఇంటికి బయదేరాము. తిరుగు ప్రయాణం అంత అభిప్రాయ వేదికల నిలయంగా మారింది. నేను మాత్రం శిలా విగ్రహంలా రోడ్డుని చూస్తూ కూర్చున్నాను.

పెదనాన్న ఇంటికి చేరుకొన్నాము. అక్కదే భోజనాలు ముగించి ఇంటికి బయలుదేరాము. ప్రయాణం మధ్యలో సెల్ ఫోను మోగింది. అటువైపు పెదనాన్న, ఇంకొకసారి తన మిత్రుడి గురించి, వాళ్ళ కుటుంబం గురించి, తన మైత్రి గురించి చెప్పి నా నిర్ణయం అడిగాడు. ఇంతలో సిగ్నల్ లేదు అన్నట్టుగ వినిపించట్లేదు అని ఇంటికి వెళ్ళాక ఫోను చేస్తాను అన్నాను, కాని తనకు నేను తగనని చెప్పిన తన అభిప్రాయం గుర్తొచ్చి, మబ్బుల వెనక చంద్రుణ్ణి, చంద్రునిలో దాగని మచ్చను చూస్తు మూగబోయాను.

Days of My Life

Well today is Thursday, and Thursday s are torturous. Thursday means almost weekend. I am just a day away from weekend, but passing the one day would be a gigantic task. I have this mixed feeling on this day; I am excited and dejected at the same time. I just want to get over with the day.

Fridays are entirely different. The day starts off with smile and shine on face. There is an inexplicable joy in Friday morning. It feels like, I worked hard all week long, I deserve a weekend, off from work. But, have I really worked hard is another thing, glad, I don't have to answer anybody. All starts good in the morning, but the trouble comes in the second session of the work. I feel clock is ticking intentionally slowly, testing my patience levels. I know, eventually it will be 5PM, but the inquisitiveness and the curiosity levels always push me hard to feel this session as longest of the week, it's like food already set on the table and I am waiting for the word GO, I hate that. But once I see clock hitting 5PM, I feel I am liberated, I am free to go, I feel like Andy Dufresne, who escaped from Shawshank prison.

Saturday is the best day of the week; it's like a safe bet. I can get up late, I can watch movies all day long, I can go out on a drive, I can do this, or I can skip that. I tend to enjoy every moment of Saturday. Then comes the Sunday, this one is like working vacation. Even though, I have whole day off, I have to get myself ready for Monday, I feel like 'a' prisoner out of his bail time and who has to get ready to go back to prison.

Mondays are boring, I am still nostalgic; I need a whole Monday to get accustomed to the work environment. Tuesday is again good, I am back to work, I am enthusiastic, I am well pumped up, and I am rejuvenated. Wednesday gives the feeling of accomplishment, I am halfway through to weekend. So far journey was smooth, and sophisticated. I just back myself up for keeping work rolling fast.

I never thought, I would write something like this. During my engineering days, I always hated weekends, as we did not have classes scheduled on the weekends. That was not the main reason why I hated. But now the other way, I like weekends, as everybody does, at least most of us do. I just had to change myself with the time and that's the way life goes here.

Wanted: COACH

And the nightmare continues to haunt BCCI. This was an unanticipated predicament. The offer to coach Team India, one of the prestigious positions in cricket world, has been discarded by Graham Ford, quoting the personal reasons. When everybody was writing on how Ford had to approach Team India to bring them back on the winning track, he surprised everyone with his decision to stay with Kent, leaving the BCCI back to square once again.

This time the agony is more and the scar is deep. This was totally an unforeseen situation. The total process started off in bizarre. There were some voices raised loud against the choice of foreigner as coach, some blatant statements were made by veterans, like Kapil Dev. But BCCI ignored everything and kept their hunt alive very much for a foreigner for coach position. At first, it almost offered the position to Whatmore, who publicly announced his keen interest in coaching Team India and even BCCI have gone through some preliminary scanning on Whatmore in Bangladesh, while team India were there. Even though it felt like Whatmore would be the next coach, BCCI surprised everyone with ruling out the chances. Then Graham Ford came into the picture, a South African, currently working with Kent. Just to make the show interesting they introduced a dummy competitor John Emburey, who was an ordinary cricketer and an under achieved coach. Even Emburey must have surprised by the call from BCCI for inviting him to attend an interview. As expected, BCCI banked the hopes on Graham Ford, who left them to drown right in the middle of the sea. BCCI must have been humiliated with the current situation. The so called sturdy biceps of BCCI have turned into unwanted swollen muscles.

During all this process, there was clear rebuke from veterans on having a foreigner as coach. I clearly don’t understand the logic behind how a compatriot coach would enhance the cricketing skills more than that of a foreigner. I believe coach has a minimal role to play in cricket. It all depends on how players perform on a given day and at given situation. The main responsibility of coach should be that of a guide who would lead the players in correct way and pump them up when players are demoralized and dispirited. The person has to back the players when they are low on confidence and pat their back when they are running high in form. For this, we need a person with good cricketing skills with never die attitude and he could be an Indian or a foreigner.

Anyway, BCCI has lot to work on in less time now. They have a big itinerary of cricket this year and hopefully we would see an end to this brouhaha soon.

When a Stranger Calls..

These days I am always late to work. No matter how hard I try to be on time, I end up being late. I hate to be pointed out. I was not like this before. I am late to work coz I am getting up late in the morning, and I am getting up late only because I am going to bed late. I am going to bed late because, I am spending most of my after work time on my cell phone, speaking to a stranger.

Is this happening everyday? Yes, I have been more on phone these days, I mean way more than I ever had been. I prefer to speak to someone on phone rather than meeting in person. I feel more comfortable in speaking to the person on phone as there are no appearance problems or presentation problems. I can go on and on forever on phone (only if the other person is of my choice). The other reason could be scarcity of friends in my place. I don’t get to speak to anybody here, so if I find one I won’t leave until I am out of my topics. Among these phone calls, I like speaking to strangers. I really love it, as you have whole lot of things to discuss on. He/she doesn’t know anything about you, so the show has to start right from beginning. It’s like inviting me to dinner and asking me to pick the menu. I can pick the topic and I can cut the topic in between. I am like king of my domain. I am like host and guest of my own talk show. And the best part is they have to listen to all my crap and wait for their turn to say bye. I like when I see my cell phone ringing, displaying a new number, it is like gates of a dam opened up for the water to stream thru and jump up and down till they get subdued.

Why don’t I get this feeling with my old friends? Well, the first reason is they are old, I mean they know all your tricks and vice versa. It’s like, as Seinfeld says, two magicians trying to trick each other. Even before you start to work on a trick, you will get a response that you don’t expect in response; it’s more like a rebuke. It’s just a futile effort. There are some other friends who are friends with you since longtime but you don’t know anything about them. I feel there are some relationships, which might be old, but definitely not as strong as you expect them to be. These are like season special, if it is cold outside, you wear a jacket, if it is hot, you just take it off.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s strange that I like calls from strangers, but the real problem is getting a call from stranger. I can’t ask someone to call me on my cell phone. If I could ask some one then he/she wouldn’t be a stranger, would he?

(I believe, I do have some friends with whom, even after these many years, I can still go on and on, and those can simply ignore this.)

గమ్యం..

అది సాయంత్రం

మళ్ళీ ప్రయాణం ప్రారంభించాను

అదే పాత రోడ్డుపైన

అదే పాత కారులోన

దారులన్ని సుపరిచితం

పలకరింపు కోరడమే అనుచితం

శీతాకాలం చలికి వణికాను

ఎండకాలం వేడికి మరిగాను

వానకాలం జడికి తడిసాను

కారుచీకటిలో దివ్వెనయ్యాను

కటిక అడవిలో లేడినయ్యాను

మారుతున్న ఋతువులకు సాక్ష్యంగా

మారని సేతువయ్యాను

రూపుమారిన బాటలో

రూటుమారని బాటసారయ్యాను

కాలం గడిచిన పరిచయం పెరగలేదు

గమ్యం తెలియని ప్రయాణం ఆగలేదు

(నేను గత రెండు ఏళ్ళుగా ఒకే దారిలో ప్రయాణిస్తున్నాను, ఒంటరిగా. ప్రతి అడుగు నాకు దగ్గరగానే అనిపిస్తుంది కాని, ఆ మార్గం ఎప్పుడు నన్ను పలకరించునట్టుగా అనిపించదు. ఫ్రతి సారి ఒక పరాయి వ్యక్తిని చూసినట్టుగ చూస్తుంది. నేను చేరాలనుకొన్న గమ్యం ఆ ప్రయాణంలో రాదు, నేను చేరుకొనే గమ్యం, గమ్యం కాదు. అయినా, ఈ ప్రయాణంతో నా ప్రణయం ఆగట్లేదు, ఈ ప్రణయంలో అంతఃప్రళయం తగ్గట్లేదు.)