Happily Unhappy!!

All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way -Leo Tolstoy

In last two months I have taken couple of eventful trips across America. These trips turned out to be informative, illustrative, lucrative (in terms of nature and her appeal), and privative (as I had been issued a speeding ticket) but mainly these were an enlightening and envisioning experiences for me to help me grow cautious and curious, at the same time, for something stupendous that I will be confronting with soon in my life.

I reckon the timing was great to take a trip across US as spring had arrived just then. Rich green leaves and feel of fresh life in budding flowers was there to attest the arrival of spring. As always, I was animated to meet up my friends whom I had not seen in years. Most of them had already moved on to their next phase, a phase ahead of mine. But as I started to learn their experiences and incidents occurred, I grew fanciful, I grew skeptical, and I grew sensitive.

The moment I saw the couple I felt I was seeing a full circle, a circle of fulfillment, a circle of accomplishments and a circle of trust. They both seemed to form a team, just like Bonnie and Clyde, who were tenaciously trustful to relation that bound them to one another. I could see the ray of happiness in the eyes of them. At first that ray was so bright that I couldn’t pick the dark spots that were hiding in the background. Once I could spot them, those spots were overwhelming and very disturbing that I couldn’t distract myself to acknowledge the shiny rich brightness that was all over a just moment ago. That dark spot literally left me blind and all I could see was happy faces that had masqueraded the misery and apathy filled life. So cynical, I was!!

A moment of negativity will definitely leaves one dubious. But often a waft of contemplation will decisively brings one back to the sanity. And me no exception to that, gave a pinch of thought and slowly understood that most of the problems were beyond their control. Even though some were man made, most were market made and unfortunately market made are always unmanageable but I couldn’t say uncountable. Almost all everybody had the problems with either money or status, or even both. No matter where I went, I kept hearing the same words uttered, I got astonished to understand the level of compromises they had to undergo just to be on the safer side, the altitudes of emotional trauma that they had to suffer by staying away from home in the land of American dream/nightmare (We all know that we pay huge price to live the ‘Desi’ American dream. Does it worth it? That’s another debate). But there was one common soothing act at all the instances; they have one another to be glad and glum, to share the joy and jeopardy. One always finds a shoulder to lean on when one is in vain. In fact these uncertainties in career and unending travails to stay legal are helping them come closer to each other. These pains are proving to be assisting the couple in gluing to one another more effectively and more firmly.

But if you had to ask, is this how you want to get close to your partner, I would say, it doesn’t matter how you find love in your partner (as long as it is not unethical or immoral), the important factor is to find love and affection, most vital aspect is to have that love growing continually even after the difficult situation ceases to exist.

On the whole, one seems to feel secluded as days go by. But right at that moment, life partner comes handy. Life partner is as much needed for one as life itself. Especially when you are living away from home, a partner is must (it doesnt mean, you dont need one if you are staying home. The statement only fortifies the improtance of Partner). He/she may not help solve the problems but he/she will definitely step in to reconcile the life.

So my friends (single), go find one!!

Certain Uncertainty

These days life seems to be dwelling in uninterrupted uncertainty. The answerless questions keep popping up each and every instant my life, when I drive, when I work, when I eat and even when I sleep. Unfortunately my forgetfulness is of no help.

Life seemed to be taking a new turn couple of months back and at the same time I had this fear that something would go wrong and it did go wrong, just like Murphy said. Since then, I have been kept at bay, waiting for an approval, leaving me in doldrums. When my ship of dreams got capsized in the wave of hope for change, just like someone turned my dreams off and woke me up to a nightmare, I got worried, at first, that I might lose my ground itself. And then I grew despondent, feeling hapless at all the things that have turned their back at me. Later, I became nonchalant, as I realized there was very little I could do to straighten up the mess.

However, my nonchalance seems to have faded away with the time. My impatience had me impose some bruised feelings on my clique. I have been distressed with the thought that many lives are continuously beleaguered with my indecisive status. The biggest quandary for them is that their ambiguousness of the existing problem. I don’t have guts to imagine the predicament they are going through when they see a face full of uncouth questions. More importantly, these confrontations are quiet unavoidable and always end up in individual conclusions and most of these have a crooked touch to their opinion.

As for me, I feel guilty for letting down that one person, I feel blameworthy for the chaos that has been stirring us down into the realm of uncertainty. I feel culpable for my parents having to answer many trivial faces which they never had to all these years until this happened.

The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness itself is enough to demoralize a person to downfall. The feeling of being left out in gutter for the reasons that are unquestionably beyond reasonable, leaves me flabbergasted and mournful. There is no logic for this tight spot. Then again, searching logics for every incident in your life would be a futile effort. Few things lack explanation, and few things don’t welcome explanation.

Some incidents in life, no matter how trivial they are, will leave an impeccable mark, will teach an unforgettable lesson. The pebbles which I thought they were have become boulders that may (or may not) easily sink me down along with them. At the end I may emerge successfully, but the lesson, the trauma, the perturbation and the powerlessness will never ever be forgotten.

But till that time, I hope to remain sane, I hope to stay vertical, I hope to see myself balanced, no matter how deep the evil paws of unrest claw in.