These days life seems to be dwelling in uninterrupted uncertainty. The answerless questions keep popping up each and every instant my life, when I drive, when I work, when I eat and even when I sleep. Unfortunately my forgetfulness is of no help.
Life seemed to be taking a new turn couple of months back and at the same time I had this fear that something would go wrong and it did go wrong, just like Murphy said. Since then, I have been kept at bay, waiting for an approval, leaving me in doldrums. When my ship of dreams got capsized in the wave of hope for change, just like someone turned my dreams off and woke me up to a nightmare, I got worried, at first, that I might lose my ground itself. And then I grew despondent, feeling hapless at all the things that have turned their back at me. Later, I became nonchalant, as I realized there was very little I could do to straighten up the mess.
However, my nonchalance seems to have faded away with the time. My impatience had me impose some bruised feelings on my clique. I have been distressed with the thought that many lives are continuously beleaguered with my indecisive status. The biggest quandary for them is that their ambiguousness of the existing problem. I don’t have guts to imagine the predicament they are going through when they see a face full of uncouth questions. More importantly, these confrontations are quiet unavoidable and always end up in individual conclusions and most of these have a crooked touch to their opinion.
As for me, I feel guilty for letting down that one person, I feel blameworthy for the chaos that has been stirring us down into the realm of uncertainty. I feel culpable for my parents having to answer many trivial faces which they never had to all these years until this happened.
The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness itself is enough to demoralize a person to downfall. The feeling of being left out in gutter for the reasons that are unquestionably beyond reasonable, leaves me flabbergasted and mournful. There is no logic for this tight spot. Then again, searching logics for every incident in your life would be a futile effort. Few things lack explanation, and few things don’t welcome explanation.
Some incidents in life, no matter how trivial they are, will leave an impeccable mark, will teach an unforgettable lesson. The pebbles which I thought they were have become boulders that may (or may not) easily sink me down along with them. At the end I may emerge successfully, but the lesson, the trauma, the perturbation and the powerlessness will never ever be forgotten.
But till that time, I hope to remain sane, I hope to stay vertical, I hope to see myself balanced, no matter how deep the evil paws of unrest claw in.
Life seemed to be taking a new turn couple of months back and at the same time I had this fear that something would go wrong and it did go wrong, just like Murphy said. Since then, I have been kept at bay, waiting for an approval, leaving me in doldrums. When my ship of dreams got capsized in the wave of hope for change, just like someone turned my dreams off and woke me up to a nightmare, I got worried, at first, that I might lose my ground itself. And then I grew despondent, feeling hapless at all the things that have turned their back at me. Later, I became nonchalant, as I realized there was very little I could do to straighten up the mess.
However, my nonchalance seems to have faded away with the time. My impatience had me impose some bruised feelings on my clique. I have been distressed with the thought that many lives are continuously beleaguered with my indecisive status. The biggest quandary for them is that their ambiguousness of the existing problem. I don’t have guts to imagine the predicament they are going through when they see a face full of uncouth questions. More importantly, these confrontations are quiet unavoidable and always end up in individual conclusions and most of these have a crooked touch to their opinion.
As for me, I feel guilty for letting down that one person, I feel blameworthy for the chaos that has been stirring us down into the realm of uncertainty. I feel culpable for my parents having to answer many trivial faces which they never had to all these years until this happened.
The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness itself is enough to demoralize a person to downfall. The feeling of being left out in gutter for the reasons that are unquestionably beyond reasonable, leaves me flabbergasted and mournful. There is no logic for this tight spot. Then again, searching logics for every incident in your life would be a futile effort. Few things lack explanation, and few things don’t welcome explanation.
Some incidents in life, no matter how trivial they are, will leave an impeccable mark, will teach an unforgettable lesson. The pebbles which I thought they were have become boulders that may (or may not) easily sink me down along with them. At the end I may emerge successfully, but the lesson, the trauma, the perturbation and the powerlessness will never ever be forgotten.
But till that time, I hope to remain sane, I hope to stay vertical, I hope to see myself balanced, no matter how deep the evil paws of unrest claw in.
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